Movie Monday: Orgy of the Dead

This week's movie is the Ed Wood horror/nudie film Orgy of the Dead!

Now, I call this an "Ed Wood Film" (the way one might say "A Martin Scorsese Film"), but I guess that's a misnomer; it was supposedly directed by someone named A.C. Stephen. But since Wood wrote the screenplay (based on his book!), worked on the film as Production Manager, casting agent, and cue-card guy, and it features longtime Wood favorite Criswell, I'm comfortable saying this is a pretty Woodian production, as it goes.

Okay--the film starts with two scantily-clad men (for a change) entering a tomb. Inside the tomb is Criswell--looking more than worse for wear--and he addresses the camera, telling us this is a story of people who live "in the twilight time", and are now monsters. Naturally, that leads us to a credit sequence featuring a nude woman in gold body paint:

After the credits, we see a young couple, Bob and Shirley (William Bates and the ravishing Pat Barrington), who end up in a car crash. Even if Criswell hadn't shown up in the first scene, the extended dialogue sequence (and the fact that the film changes from night to day and then back to night) lets you know this is, unmistakably, an Ed Wood film: the couple talk like no people in human history ever have, barely acknowledging punctuation, inflection, or meaning. Each actor basically just waits for the other to stop talking, then they say stuff. Then vice versa.

Okay, anyway, Criswell provides some narration, as Shirley wakes up post-crash. Criswell wanders around a cemetery, beckoning the undead--but still pretty hot--Black Ghoul (Fawn Silver, dressed a lot like Vampira). Criswell demands a show, and it better be pretty, um, titillating, or the Black Ghoul and the others will face eternal damnation! So there's no pressure.

(There's a great, classic Wood moment where the theme music for this scene ends a second or two before the scene does, leaving the actors staring at each other in silence).

Its at this moment that the "nudie" portion of our program kicks in, and we're treated(?) to a series of topless girls dancing for Criswell's pleasure. First up is an Indian Girl--you can tell she's Indian because she's wearing moccasins!

There's another scene with Bob and Shirley, now both awake. But enough of that junk, bring on the girls!!

And, you know, I have to admit, some of these girls are pretty cute. A lot of the women that found their way into Ed Wood films kinda have that sad, slightly Hepatitis-y look, but here they look more...wholesome is probably not the right word, but less demoralized. I'm guessing Ed found these girls dancing in various Los Angeles strip joints, and offered them a few bucks to do the same thing in a cheesy cemetery set.

Bob and Shirley watch all this ("Am I in heaven?", Bob wonders), and are kidnapped by a wolfman and a mummy (sure, why not?) and tied to stakes in front of Criswell and the Black Ghoul:

There's another dance number, by a Cat Girl, wearing the least erotic outfit seen in the movies since Margaret Dumont:

The Black Ghoul wants to F/Marry/Kill Shirley, and shows her displeasure by opening Shirley's blouse, as ghouls are wont to do:

(Note: this was my favorite scene)

There's more dancing, some mismatched stock footage, and the Wolfman and the Mummy clowning around, which pretty much tips the viewers off that this isn't remotely supposed to be serious...not that there was a lot of debate about that beforehand.

Bob and Shirley argue, there's more dancing (a nudie bride!), there's more talk between Criswell and the Ghoul, even more dancing, ending with The Black Ghoul once again opening Shirley's blouse while threatening her with a knife. Bob tries to intervene, but is knocked out by the wolfman with one slight tap to the head.

Just as The Black Ghoul is about to stab Shirley, the sun comes out, suddenly turning everyone--The Black Ghoul, Criswell, the wolfman, the mummy--into skeletons!

We then find Bob and Shirley, just waking up from the car crash. Shirley asks what happened to the monsters. But of course...it was all a dream!!

Or was it? Its hard to say, because Criswell is still talking:

...The End!


Woo, what to say? Of course, Orgy of the Dead is a complete and utter mess, and anyone expecting anything more, please contact me, I have a bridge I'd like to sell you.

While Orgy of the Dead, as a film, manages to make previous Wood efforts Glen or Glenda?, Bride of the Monster and The Sinister Urge look like The Apu Trilogy, there's a cheerful goofiness to the proceedings that keeps the sadness at bay. Sure, this film marked a departure for Wood, where he stopped even pretending to be making real movies, which had to be heartbreaking for someone who saw himself as an Orson Welles-type, a real visionary of cinema.

Or...perhaps I'm confusing Johnny Depp's marvelous performance as Ed in Tim Burton's Ed Wood with the real guy: maybe the real-life version just saw making movies as a way to have some fun, make some money, and hang around with unusual people (you don't put people like Criswell and Tor Johnson in your repertory company unless you like spending time with them). And with content restrictions in movies being relaxed by the mid-1960s, Ed simply decided to take advantage of that and put boobies in his movie.

And on that score, Ed did a damn good job.